


Crying is for the Weak

by downpoure



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anger Management, But so does Ushijima, F/M, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Reader got some serious issues, Reader is a volleyball player, Slow Build, how original i know, slight angst, we love to see it!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27398737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downpoure/pseuds/downpoure
Summary: Crying is for the weak. And you were not by any means weak.It’s just that Ushijima Wakatoshi happened to be there on the one time that you do.Then the second.Then the third.
Relationships: Ushijima Wakatoshi & Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Crying is for the Weak

Rubber soles made contact with the concrete path at an unmatched speed only _the_ Ushijima Wakatoshi can will himself to perform even after an overbearing three-hour volleyball practice he had hardly endured an hour ago. 

Sneakers double knotted, clad in his all-black lightweight but most importantly sweat-resistant workout clothes, the newly appointed captain of the Shiratorizawa Boy’s Volleyball Club ended the first day of his third year of high school the same way it began: With a run around the whole campus.

Besides eating Hayashi rice and maybe occasionally reading Shonen Jump - only for the ads plastered on the back, of course, Ushijima also liked running. 

Running, not in the leisurely sense of taking a mid-afternoon jig around the neighbourhood community with the family golden retriever on a leash, but actually running with the intent of nothing else but to test the limits of his physical endurance and mental fortitude. 

Although he originally planned to go on a late afternoon run anyways, he was particularly motivated right now by his personal dissatisfaction over this afternoon’s training. Granted it _was_ the official first day back, he supposes it was only normal for the team to ease back into the rigorous regimen they were used to having.

But that was if they were like any other team; which he _knew_ they weren’t. 

To his chagrin, even Coach Washijo — the demonic coach of the volleyball team himself, known and feared for nothing but his relentless and implacable training, held back on them even just a bit during today’s practice. 

And quite the opposite of his teammates who rejoiced at the grey man’s rare show of leniency, he was all but pleased by it.

If not for the desperate faces of his teammates who unlike him have drained both their energy and willpower and would all but die to pass out in their beds, he wouldn’t have realized that three hours had already gone by and he wishes that was just his ego speaking. 

Ushijima was practically still in prime condition when the last rally ended which was extremely concerning to him since training was supposed to test those limitations, not condone them. 

Which brings him here: already in the middle of his fifth lap around the school grounds - yes including the dormitories and surrounding woodlands - in a last-minute attempt to squeeze in cardio before curfew.

The Interhigh Prelims was in more or less two months and if Shiratorizawa wanted to lay a claim on the ticket to nationals once again, as they have been doing for the past three years, then they shouldn’t be wasting any time for something as comfortable as adjustment. 

Comfort was for self-assured people and self-assured people had no place in nationals.

After quickly dropping off his bags and changing out of his practice clothes, the ace was out and about before Tendou could even convince him not to go. Though Ushijima highly doubted that his roommate would’ve bothered to do so anyway, especially not when the middle blocker was passed out while the lower half of his body soaked in an ice bath. 

After checking the smartwatch that his mother gifted him for Christmas, a subtle wave of disappointment courses through him as he catches a glimpse of his stats. 

He should be faster.

Impatiently, he exerts more force onto his legs to pick up even more on his pace. And instantaneously, he becomes hyper-aware of the burning sensation in his lung, his constricted breathing and the undeniable strain in his fatigued hamstrings. 

Better.

With the soft rustling of the trees that lined the desolated pathway and the howling of the wind, Ushijima quickly passes the midpoint of his course. Accompanied by nothing else but the rhythmic pads of his shoe and his uneven breathing as he exerted himself to finish the lap because of _course_ , Ushijima Wakatoshi did not waste his time on something as superficial as listening to music while running, his pace eventually began to slow down. 

But not due to his own volition. 

Although well aware of the presence of the overcast sky above him even before the start of his run, Ushijima never really put much thought nor care into it to even check the weather app just in the case that this grey cloud actually translated to the prospect of rain. 

Because sure enough, it did.

Feeling the spontaneous drops of rain on his face, he raises his left palm towards the sky for extra measures. And after a few moments of getting a feel for the dampness on his palms, Ushijima comes to terms with his predicament. 

Naturally, he tosses the hood of his windbreaker on top of his head and resumes his run but now conducting a much more impending purpose: to reach the dorms before the rain starts pouring. 

* * *

Clutching your phone tightly in one hand and balling your fist on the other, you take each step on the concrete pavement with as much anger, frustration and humiliation that was coursing through your body. With nothing else in your head but the broken record of the horrifying scenario that transpired not three hours ago during practice, you can still feel your body shake in utter disbelief.

How dare they replace _you_ as the starting setter?

But more importantly, how the fuck did a measly first-year scholarship student take away the spot you’ve been working tooth and nail for the past decade of your life for?

You couldn’t believe it then. And you still can’t believe it now. It was a miracle that you were able to hold composure for more than half of the practice after Coach Sato announced the tentative volleyball line up for this year. 

You so wished that the fact that it was still ‘tentative’ and could change at any given time offered you any form of comfort. But it doesn’t because all your mind could fathom at that very moment was that you were bested. 

_You_ weren’t good enough to be a starter. 

Or simply, you were benched on your last year of high school volleyball.

But hey! At least you can still pinch serve from time to time right?

Bullshit. It was all bullshit! 

With your head lowered down to the ground, you continued to walk disgruntledly.

What does that Himura Nanaba have that you don’t?! What can she do that you can’t do ten times better?! 

_If we’re talking about skills, [Surname], then it’s no doubt that you’re the superior setter. But after observing you two play during the practice games, the assistant coaches and I decided that Himura-san simply connected with the team more naturally than you do. And in the long run, we think that it could improve the team’s overall playing style and morale._

You call bullshit! 

_We’d like to see how it would turn out first. But don’t worry, nothing is finalized until we know for sure._

You were a fool for thinking that confronting Sato for the reason for your dismissal as the starting setter would somehow change things. Looking back at it now, it was absolutely pathetic. You? A [Surname] begging for her position back in the volleyball team?

God, you can only imagine the look on your father’s face when he finds out. Hell, he probably would be too ashamed to even look at his benchwarmer daughter to even utter a word to you. 

From your tight grip, three consecutive buzzes from your phone ultimately bring you back to reality from your unending cycle of rationalizing your current predicament. Not bothering to stop on your heels, you read the messages as they materialize one after another on your lock screen.

A series of concerned and confused texts from the volleyball girls asking where you were, what happened, and if you were okay.

You heave a sigh before shoving it in the shallow pockets of your jacket tracksuit pockets - which thankfully enough, you had with you.

That was the other thing. You may or may not have dramatically stormed out of the gym after confronting your coach and is now in the middle of your eighth lap around the school grounds in a futile attempt to calm down. 

The latter of which, thus far, you are terribly failing to accomplish.

You wanted to scream, to punch something, to punch _someone_ so badly that your frustration has been literally eating you up. 

It simply didn’t make sense to you. You’ve been aimlessly walking around for God knows how long and you still can hardly grasp that this is now your reality.

 _This_ wasn’t how it was supposed to plan out. You were supposed to be the starting setter this year, just like your older sister did and just how your father expected you to. You were supposed to finish today’s practice with nothing but a smug smile on your face, because well, you deserved it. You deserve to be the team’s setter. You’ve worked tirelessly, not once missing practice in the ten years you’ve been playing the sport. You treated extra practices like they were mandatory and your free time like they weren’t.

Feeling your legs slowly give out on you, you stop in the middle of the desolate sidewalk. 

It was unfair.

You attempt to swallow but the lump that unknowingly came to be in your throat hinders you.

Choking on a sob, you eventually drop to the gravel with your head buried in your arms to suppress your angry hot tears from spilling. But it was futile.

And as if the whole universe collectively decided to fuck with you, even more, you hear a tumultuous thunder followed shortly after by a flash of lightning that momentarily lit up the grey sky.

You wanted to laugh.

This was pathetic. [Surname] [Name] crying in the rain because she was replaced by a nobody?

The gossip around the halls would be unable to contain it. The sight was simply too unprecedented and too rare _not_ to talk about. 

_Do you think people already knew that you got demoted?_ Knowing how fast word of mouth travels in the academy, it’s safe to assume that by second period tomorrow, there would already be whispering in the halls. You know for sure that even the girls, _especially_ them, wouldn’t be able to stop themselves from talking behind your back. 

More tears well in your eyes the more you think about it.

They could talk behind your back for all you care! But what would your mother think if she sees you like this?

_Weak._

“F-Fuck.” You shudder as you feel a breeze of wind blew past you that awakened the goosebumps in the lower half of your body that was clad with nothing other than your spandex shorts.

Sniffling haphazardly, you aggressively wipe your tears with the back of your hand as you force yourself back up to your feet.

No. You simply cannot let yourself wallow in your own pity party. You refuse to stoop that low. Your pride won’t let you. And at this point, without your position and the questionable existence of your dignity, pride was the only thing you had left and you'd be damned if even that was taken away from you.

Vision impaired by the unwanted tears that still clouded your eyes, you took disoriented steps in the direction of what you hoped to be the girl’s dormitory. But your journey only lasted two steps before you come in contact with a wall that sent you flying across the pavement.

* * *

A piercing shriek slices through the open space at a deafening volume that indefinitely catches Ushijima off guard. 

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” The student on the ground who collided with him seconds ago screamed in such a high pitched voice that it all but urged the ace to cover his ears. With his stature, the collision did nothing to faze him. Which could not be said to you, the unfortunate victim of the accident and the same unhinged individual who was currently sprawled on the hard concrete.

Ushijima’s brows furrow deeper in confusion as he gawked at you who continued to exclaim such jarring obscenities instead of helping yourself off the wet and dirty pavement. 

_Were you perhaps expecting him to help you off the ground?_

Taking a step forward, he extends a hand to your figure to which he immediately retracted when you begrudgingly swat his hand away.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

His eyes widened twofold. Not bothering to look at him, you begin to rub your forehead as you help yourself off the ground and frantically scan the field around you as if scouring for something. 

Out of two parts confusion and one part curiosity, Ushijima felt compelled to do the same. When he sees an indistinguishable object three meters to his right, he hesitantly makes huge strides to the black object. Bending on his knees, he drops to the ground to retract it from the wet grass. 

A phone. A severely cracked and wet phone. Surely, that didn’t happen because of-

A hand snatches it from his palm. “Fucking great! The shitty phone is even more cracked.” By the nth time he hears the word Fuck come out of your mouth in the two minutes he’s interacted with you, he wasn’t as fazed anymore. Although it would be a lie to deny that he didn’t still feel disturbed.

Ushijima assumes his full height and just as he expected, he towered over you, just as he did with more or less the whole student population.

Through your gritted teeth, your mumble. “Thanks a lot, man.” 

“You’re welcome.”

Ushijima hears a scoff and that is when you finally meet his eyes. “I wasn’t actually thanking you asshole…” You trail off.

With nothing but absolute horror painted across your features, you say, “Ushi- Ushijima?” So you did know him. 

And now that your face was in full display, although soaked in rain that was still currently pouring over both of you, he finally attaches a name to the crestfallen face before him.

* * *

“You’re soaking wet.”

A scoff automatically comes out of your mouth before you could even step foot inside your room. “Thanks for stating the obvious.” You call out. Well, your _shared_ room. That was another thing about this wretched school. They have all the funding and all the land space yet they still insist on having shared dormitories for their students.

It made absolutely no sense. Just like the numerous _other_ things that didn’t make sense. 

Pausing the movie on her laptop, your roommate gives you her undivided attention and does not bother beating around the bush when she asks, “Where were you?”

Now in your wet socks, you marched from the genkan to your side of the room, not giving your roommate half the attention she is giving you. “Why’d you care Takaeda?”

“I don’t

You huff mockingly at her response before turning your back. With no avail, you toss your cracked phone on top of your bed before unzipping your dripping maroon track jacket that revealed your equally damp uniform. You heave a deep sigh before replying, “A run.”

Takeda hums non-committedly. But she doesn’t stop there. “In the rain?” This time you were faced in her direction so you don’t miss how she looks you up and down before meeting your eyes with that judgemental gaze of hers. “In your volleyball gear?”

Clenching your fists, your mouth purses into a line before flashing her a plastic smile, “What about it?”

Her stare lingers on you for a moment longer bearing that annoying expression that tells you she’s either unconvinced, unimpressed or both only to wordlessly drop the subject by returning her attention back to her device. 

Lacking both the fucks to give nor the energy to argue with her tonight, you took this as a win and promptly began stripping yourself down to your underwear. You didn’t need a fever or a cold adding to the list of things you already had to deal with.

A few minutes of silence ensued - save the audio of the western film playing on Takaeda’s laptop of course - before she comments once again. “Your minions dropped off your stuff earlier by the way.” She nudges to the other side of your bed where both your school and gym bag laid on the floor.

You sent her a knowing side-eye but she renounces your warning with a nonchalant quip, “Was it Sakura and Fuyumi? I don’t remember.”

You listlessly toss your dirty clothes to the hamper across the room before correcting her. “It’s Sayaka and Ayumi.”

She looks at you over her shoulder for a single second before returning back to her screen “Oh, right.”

Grabbing a fresh towel from your dresser, you hauled yourself towards the direction of the bathroom. Well, at least you only had to share it with one other person right? That’s gotta count for something.

But before you could take a step inside, your roommate declares out of nowhere, “I’m heading out.”

You raise an incredulous brow. 

Closing her laptop, she grabs her phone on top of her desk before standing up from her chair. “I’ll be back in an hour.” She brushes past your shoulder as she makes her way towards the front door.

Ignoring her, you finally stepped inside the bathroom and was about to shut the door when she calls out, “Hot water usually does the trick for me but when it doesn’t, I recently bought something that works too.” A grunt followed by the swift movement of shoes. “It’s the blue bottle on top of my desk if you need it.” She declares languidly before shutting the front door.

You hear the robotic tune play that signals that the door is locked.

Not bothering to divulge into her nonsensical words, you shut the door with force and leaned against the wooden frame for support.

Finally alone inside the pitch-black darkness of the five by five dormitory washroom, you will your body to relax by taking one large breath. Followed by another. Then another. And another. All until you deemed your headspace stable enough to return to reality. 

Switching on the fluorescent lights, your mood inescapably plummets to the ground along with the sliver of composure you mustered not a second ago when you see your reflection in the mirror before you. Like an intrusive thought, your mind plays you the events of this afternoon once more but now with the addition of the damning events that occurred not thirty minutes ago.

Lifting your head up, you carefully graze the remnants of mascara on your cheeks with the tips of your finger all before slamming your face in between your palms as you muffled an agonizing scream; which to your chagrin, only further amplified the noise within the confined space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally wrote half of this chapter back in june and suddenly felt motivated to finish the rest of it tonight all in one sitting.
> 
> on top of all the school work, I'm undeniably procrastinating from, i also am undergoing a writer's block with my oikawa fic so that's that.
> 
> also, these two fics may or may not occur in the same universe just bc i felt like it lmfao.


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